My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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