I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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