let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
