The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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