P.S. I can't hear my feet
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
