capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
