i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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