i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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