There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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