At least make sure they are 18
Why
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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