Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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