Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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