I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
