He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
