How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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