Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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