i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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