I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
