i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The air taste purple.
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