Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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