after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
