If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
