There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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