i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
