You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
