After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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