I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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