I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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