Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if only i could text you this smell
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
