He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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