u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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