Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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