Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize