I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish i was in the wii world.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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