Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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