Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
