"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
