Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
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i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
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Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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