He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
