you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize