i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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