Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
