i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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