my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
