Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
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