I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
