i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
