If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
that's an acceptable place to lick
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize