he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
