Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
