Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I smell stomach acid.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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