Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
