I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
