I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
