Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
