Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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