So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The Olympian is in my bed
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