there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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