haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
