I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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