FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
