The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
