why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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