At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
