"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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