went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
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You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
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I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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