i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
