So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
vagina is talking i cant
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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