We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize