Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
