Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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