If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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