Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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