but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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