Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
