I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
