She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
