When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
