No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
