I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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