There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
