you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
