my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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