like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
