Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
