He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
