Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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