ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
