we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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