i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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