Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
