Whoa Z and x make the same sound
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
